I Was Certain I Knew What Meditation Was And That It Wouldn’t Benefit Me

I was reluctant to learn TM for several reasons. As an avid practitioner of yoga, I had read many books and taken many courses on meditation. So I was certain that I knew what meditation was and did not feel TM would really benefit me.

That’s the mind for you! You find a precious jewel and then toss it away because you feel you have enough or perhaps already have something exactly the same thing. But now, given my experience with Transcendental Meditation, having actually practiced it, I can say it has not only changed, but also, saved my life.

I grew up on a farm in Nebraska. My father, an alcoholic, was verbally abusive, and there were occasions where the abuse became physical. My mother was very co-dependent and also abusive at times.

“I now have my TM practice to bring me back to my core self, to stop the racing thoughts and anxiety.” When I was 14, my parents split up. I was caught in the middle and took on much of my family’s pain. My home life became even more unstable, as I was shuffled around, sometimes living with my mother, then my elder sister, my father, and finally my grandparents.

At 22, I lost my younger brother in a car accident. I could not have anticipated the enormity of losing a loved one. I suffered everything from eating disorders to a sleeping disorder, and I battled with drinking and depression.

At some point, I met a wonderful man, or at least I thought he was wonderful. We had a child together and moved to New York. When his true colors emerged, the abusive partnership led to bouts with the police, jail, court, and my beloved son being placed in foster care for a time.

As a single mother living in New York City, I struggled to care for my traumatized child and myself. I had no family support or financial assistance. With Child Protective Services constantly on my back, I was just trying to survive each day.

“Many times I would simply lie on the yoga mat, crying in class, thinking that I couldn’t make it.” I remember taking my son to preschool, and if I didn’t have to go to work, I would go home and pass out from exhaustion. Despite the exhaustion, there were also numerous occasions that I could not sleep at night. The daily hardship of life was taking its toll on me.

Whenever I could, I would go to my yoga class to help alleviate the stress and regain my failing health. Many times I would simply lie on the yoga mat, crying in class, thinking that I couldn’t make it. Truth be told, I almost didn’t make it. If it weren’t for certain “angel friends” who cared enough about me, I would not be here writing this.

It was during this turbulent time in my life that a friend introduced me to Transcendental Meditation.